I think my fart just growled at me.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
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