If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
You've changed since you got that strap on
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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