Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
