If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
