There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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