I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I wish i was in the wii world.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
