it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Randomize
