Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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