Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
