Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
