Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
