I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
She bit a glass in half.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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