he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Randomize
