i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
