I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Randomize
