before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Randomize
