Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Randomize
