can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
