I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
