then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
