dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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