ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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