you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize