was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
