so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
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