I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
