the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
