put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
