It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
tell me about the fingering
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
