where am i from again
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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