Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
