i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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