have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
