somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
