If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
