so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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