i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Found your dick twin last night
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize
