I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
