So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
where are my eyebrows?
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
