this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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