Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
