when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
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