That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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