im having a threesome with these popsicles
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
In other news, I just burned my penis
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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