man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
