carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
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