the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize
