We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
