so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
