I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Randomize
