I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Randomize
