Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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