you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Randomize
