she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
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