it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
