it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
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