i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
