saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Randomize
