she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
